Karen: Milkman Dan... I have a law question. Do I have'ta pay another kid's doctor bill if I pushed him off the swingset and he got hurt, even though nobody else saw it?
Milkman Dan: Hold on there, Karen... As much as I'd like to, I can't legally advise you on such matters. I'm no longer licensed to practice law in the United States since I ran afoul of the 1995 Fischer-Richards Act.
Karen: What's that?
Milkman Dan: It effectively prohibits private individuals and organizations from practicing "playground law" out of the back of a milk delivery truck.
Karen: You're lyin'. You don't even know anyways.
Milkman Dan: Perhaps. But you ought to be nicer to the man who just tape-recorded your remorseless confession.
What's the first thing you do with that $2,500 HDTV you bought? If you're me, you want to grab a phillips screwdriver and take it apart. Just imagine Julie's surprise when she walked in the living room to find a gaping cabinet where our TV screen once was, the screen laying flat on the floor, and about 50 screws all over the carpet.
No, I'm not insane. It's all Mitsubishi's fault. Ask them what's up with their so-called ColorTuned™ Diamond Shield, which is apparently made out of the shiniest substance known to man. And it's tinted, for Pete's sake. Why do I need a shiny, color tinted piece of plastic between me and my picture? So I took the TV apart and carefully slid out the two DianondBrite™ screens and the ColorTuned™ Diamond Shield. Then it took me like a half hour to slide the delicate DiamondBrite™ screens back into the frame. Two fifty inch wobbly pieces of plastic are hard to maneuver into a tiny groove.
Anyway, the whole operation is a success. Now you can enjoy the TV without turning off every light in the neighborhood. Even Julie was amazed at the improvement in the picture color.