May 15th, 2002

(no subject)

Star Wars Mania
Star Wars: Episode II—Attack Of The Clones finally hits theaters this Thursday. Among the plot details that have been leaked:
  • First 100 minutes of film nothing but moisture farming
  • Yoda hit by train
  • Brief but crucial scene explains why Wookiees have rejected pants
  • More of that inimitable brand of George Lucas comical hijinks that audiences have come to know and tolerate
  • Obi-Wan delivers urgent message, "They're using a jazz guitarist named Django Reinhardt to create a clone army."
  • Dull set-up of Episode I gives way to meat of story, in which we finally learn where Walrus Man came from and how he became a surly drunk
  • Characters given hilarious parodic names like "Yogurt" and "Pizza The Hut"
  • Boy meets girl, lightsaber fight, boy loses girl, space-vehicle chase, boy gets girl back, climactic battle won by pseudoreligious deus ex machina
From The Onion.